Has anyone else noticed that Britain only started to slide into recession since Mum & Dad have not been shopping in this country? High street retail figures slumped in October and November – can it just be coincidence that Mum & Dad are away? Good news for the economy that they are back next week. As soon as they re-start their Christmas shopping Gordon Brown will be breathing a sigh of relief!

I saw a little hedgehog running across the allotment yesterday (he was running, not me). He'd better find somewhere to hibernate soon, weather forecasters predict that we are going to have an 'arctic blast' soon. That's a new catchphrase; once one forecaster has said it, everyone wants to use it.
Disaster of disasters, the fridge-freezer has broken down. Fortunately, the freezer was almost empty, save for a packet of frozen peas (now best described as 'mushy peas'). Pea soup anyone? There was a strong smell coming from the fridge, so some things have ended up in the bin, but the race is on to devise a few meals from the remaining ingredients before they go completely rancid. Ready, steady cook!
A new fridge freezer is one more item to add to the list of things in the house that need replacing, after the aerial, the TV, computer & printer, washing machine and gas fire. At this rate, I'm going to have to get a job!

In a bid to rid the living room of the smell of cat wee (from the carpet? From the dead cat under the floorboards?), I have been burning an incense oil called ‘Activist’. Could this account for a sudden burst of activity this weekend which saw the trainers brought out for their first trip? A little jog (ok, half-jog, half walk) to Monica and Chandler’s followed by a couple of hours clearing leaves from the drains, gutters and garden has left me stiff as a board today. My buttocks are now numb for a different reason.
Back to square one with the house renovations after a visit to the fireplace showroom threw up choices that I hadn’t even considered and revealed other obstacles including the possibility of having to get access to the back of the chimney through the newly tiled, almost-finished bathroom!

New trainers on show

Thanks to Bezzie and Baldie, I feel as though I am betraying couch potatoes everywhere by having bought a new pair of trainers; my second pair in only 15 years. I even put them on today, fully intending to jog off into the distance, but then I decided that I would break them in around the house first. Besides, my running buddy (Chandler) is off on his ‘jolly’ (Leaders of the Future do Binge-Drinking) this week and I want him to take most of the credit for getting me back on the road.
I have tried Baldie’s recipe for parsnip and apple soup with a hint of ginger – delicious. Try it - we could be part of Jamie Oliver’s ‘Pass it on' experiment; though you have to swear randomly as you make it, to stay in touch with your working class roots.
Talking of working, I have decided to create a job for myself as head of a non-existent umbrella organization to implement a code of practice and quality standards in the teaching/nannying agency sector. What money for old rope! If they’re not losing important information and identity documents, they’re bombarding you with inappropriate vacancies.
Bezzie will be pleased that I’m on target to complete her strict goal of preparing 10 speculative job applications this week. Looking for work is becoming a full-time occupation in itself. My buttocks have gone numb on the couch today as I sit and type out all these letters – might have to go jogging after all!

Life on el Coucho

Back to the settee today, wearing four layers of clothes; you know it's cold when you can see your own breath condensing in front of you as you watch daytime TV. Talking of which, what's happened to '60 Minute Makeover'? I was hoping that someone would write in and surprise me with a complete overhaul chez moi; seems all my family and friends are camera-shy - Monica reckons a camera crew and 40 decorators wouldn't fit in the house anyway. Mum and Dad are enjoying temperatures of 24c in Southern Spain; they have asked if I could spice up my e-mails to them by lying about what's happening in my life. I'll tell them about my invitation to Maddie and Shana's 'Civil Partnership' ceremony, I'm sure they'll make up their own story. I have toyed with a few completely fictional ideas, the difficulty is trying to find something outrageous enough to interest but which is, at the same time, utterly believable. Since sister Sukie supplemented her student income by working as a sales assistant in an 'adult' shop, anything is believable. Post your (clean and proper) suggestions here! If the ideas are interesting enough, I might actually do them (a case of life imitating art).

Action stations

I have just returned from an overnight stay chez Bezzie and Baldie. In a bid to prevent me from working abroad again, they have mounted 'Operation Stop Penny Pitstop'. I am under orders to update my CV this week and send out speculative applications to all-and-sundry in the local area. Working abroad? Don't they know I've no intention of working at all, until the money runs out?!

Saw Mski, she's a sweetheart. Mski has decided that, at the age of 12, time is running out to get a boyfriend, since there is only one other girl in her class who has not yet had a 'boyfriend' (by which she means someone that says they like you - going out on an actual date is optional). As a single woman of a certain age, I feel I ought to have a monopoly on statements like that!